Facing the music...

Friday, 19 October 2012

Today I told my critique partner what I was afraid of. Well, one of the things I'm afraid of. Heavens knows, there are quite a few...

I've started a new story for a 'write-along' that I'm doing with her. Yeah. Another new story. Obviously the ADHD has played a part in this, but I know I really need to let go of that crutch. Instead, I need to own up to what's really going on.

I can't seem to finish a book.

Well, really I can't get past chapter four.

It has occurred to me that I have put three blurbs on this blog to date. Three blurbs (and at least one was actually sort of decent, I'm sure of it). Three blurbs and I haven't finished a single book.

Well, that's not strictly true. I used to finish books a long time ago. Probably 15 or 20 years ago I always finished. Of course, I have re-read those and am totally ashamed by the state of them, but still, at least they were finished.

What I am afraid of (at the moment, at least) is that one of you, my two blog readers, will call me on this fact. I keep waiting for someone to say 'well, did you ever finish that book?', forcing me to hang my head in shame.

I have no excuses really. I do have a fairly decent reason for starting a new story. My CP was starting fresh and we wanted to be at the same place so we could move at the same pace. And this one is a story I've been looking forward to writing. But at one time I was looking forward to writing all of the others, too.

I'm hoping this time will be different. Scratch that. This time WILL be different. If for no other reason than I'll have my CP to push me along. Or guilt me or whatever it takes. Plus the story starts around Halloween, so the timing just feels right.

I have also promised myself that when I finish this one (notice I said 'when', not 'if') I will find the money to get my hard drive restored so I can get back the one book I miss most. The one I'm halfway through re-writing (I managed to beat the chapter four curse) which I can't bear to start again (only because after i re-wrote it, I finally loved it).

So the new plan (you are probably sick of my plans by now) is to finish this one then get back onto some of my 'in progress' WIPs.

I feel ashamed. I would say that I feel like I've let you all down, but honestly, I don't think there are really that many of you reading this blog. And those of you who do, know me by now and have probably lowered your expectations. But still, I feel ashamed. In every other aspect of my life if I say I'm going to do something I do it. No excuses.

So off I go again on this adventure. This time I'll try not to let myself down.

5 comments

  1. Hi, I stop by your blog sometimes - I'm Liz from A215.
    You can only do what you can do. It's a hard thing to complete a story/novel of any big length.
    Plus you're a mom and there's other stuff going on in your life.
    You shouldn't be too hard on yourself.
    As for your computer crapping out - you can buy a usb hard drive enclosure, put the hard drive in that and connect it to whatever you're using now to go online and you can probably retrieve all your stuff. If you want any help let me know. I work in IT in a middle school and I'm happy to lend a hand.
    Good luck with it all. Hang in there.
    Liz

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    1. Hi Liz,

      Thanks for stopping by. I think I just get disappointed sometimes. Lately I've been reading a lot of those quotes along the lines of 'if you want to write, you will make time'and I just think 'I wish I had more time to write, but then I also wish I had more time to sleep'.

      I think it's just been one of those roller coaster months. You named it, we've had it-- lost the dream house, second chance on the house, lost it again, death in the family, husband made redundant, virus making its way through the house... Now that I think about it, that's all been in the last two weeks. God, I need a vacation.

      As far as the computer goes, I think the problem is that since its a Dell Mini it is a 'solid state hard drive', so it can't be recovered the way a regular hard drive can. Or at least that's what I took out of it all. The guy I took it to was really nice, but he wants £325 + VAT to recover it, which you can imagine isn't ideal.

      If you know of another way (like the way you described) that will work with a SSHD or know anyone to do it cheaper pretty please let me know. It wasn't just my writing, although that was a major part of it, it was also all of the pictures from my little girl's first three weeks.

      For now, I'm hanging on by the tips of my fingernails and I can sure use some luck! Thanks again for your time and comment.
      Christy

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  2. I read your previous post about your house and husband - two of the most stressful things in life, right? House moving and losing a job.

    Maybe the new writing project and syncing with your writing partner are something you need right now.

    I haven't dealt with SSD drives much - one ipod drive but that was working.

    Here are a few links. I like the sound of booting Ubuntu from a usb stick to see if you can recover stuff w/o removing the SSD. I can send you a bootable USB Ubuntu stick if you want to try that. You would just need to plug in another drive to move the data to.

    http://www.mydellmini.com/forum/dell-mini-9-hardware-issues-problems/23557-recover-files-solid-state-drive-usb-enclosure-usb-boot.html

    Otherwise you can get a ssd to usb enclosure and try to plug it into another laptop to see if it sees it as a drive and recover your data that way.

    http://www.amazon.co.uk/KingSpec-Mobile-Disk-Enclosure-cable/dp/B003BWNC5E/ref=pd_sxp_f_pt

    It depends on the kind of drive failure. Whether it's a boot problem or drive failure. Is there an error message on the laptop?

    Easeus does free SSD recovery that might also be worth a try. I trust them - they do good free stuff.

    http://www.easeus.com/data-recovery/other-recovery-software/SSD-drive-recovery.htm#SSD

    Sorry to geek out but this is kind of a learning thing for me so it's interesting. If you want to email me it's lizculver (at) gmail (dot) com

    And as for the writing thing - I think even if you think about your story and jot some notes down that has to count as the writing process because it's all for the story.

    Good luck!

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    Replies
    1. Wow! Thanks for all of this.

      An enclosure won't work (if only) because the controller chip has died and the hard drive has been out of the pc for a little over 6 months. We did try recovery software at first, but since I needed the computer up and running fairly quickly we replaced it and kept the old one.

      I did call TRC, I found the link off one of those links you gave me, and they have quoted me £199 +VAT which is still quite a chunk but is better than £325. I have spoken with the guy who has it and asked if he could meet the £199. He's going to get back to me about it.

      I understand the 'geeking out', I'm like that with a lot of things (writing software, safety education, injury statistics, and probably most embarrassing... risk management :O). I'll keep you informed :)

      I'm still not where I want to be with the writing, but since we're in a bad way with money/jobs now I'm spending more time on articles (only because I need the pay, they bore me). I have still managed to squeeze a little time in over the last few days on the WIP, so I'm not as behind as I could be.

      It just seems that there are always more important things to do.

      Anyway, thanks for all of your help!


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  3. I'm glad someone quoted you less to fix it. Sounds like a nightmare. I'll be thinking twice before I buy anything with a SSD after hearing about all this.

    Good luck with everything - I hope it all turns a corner soon.

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