Still here...

Monday, 4 June 2012

God, I feel like I haven't posted in ages.  I also feel like I haven't slept in ages. Baby Scarlett has reflux, so my days and nights are running together in one long parade of laundry and Gaviscon. Figures, doesn't it? I suffered so bad with reflux that in addition to Gaviscon, I was put on Zantac. It was bad. So bad that at one point I lost my voice because my throat was blistered-- even though I was drinking a 600ml (that's the big one) bottle of Gaviscon a week!

And so, Scarlett, too, is suffering with it. Of course, this means expressing milk to mix with the Gaviscon and that is easier said than done when you also have a four-year-old in school. I have no choice but supplement with formula. She's still throwing up a good bit of her feeds, so in the end I may give soy formula a try. Hunter had reflux-- even worse than Scarlett-- and yes, I drank Gavison while I carried him, too. It turned out that he couldn't tolerate anything but soy formula. I hope this isn't the case for Scarlett. We started Hunter on solids at four months at the urging of the GP and instantly, the vomiting stopped. I hate to say it, but I am already looking forward to four months when we can get Scarlett on solids. She looks so miserable when she's sick.

So there's my 'Mommy update' as promised on a Monday. Now, I'm going to touch a bit on writing and give you something fun to watch since I missed posting on last Wednesday and Friday.

Here's my 'writing update'. I entered Harlequin's Intrigue pitch contest last month and I did not win one of the coveted pitching spots. Today, I'm not sure how I feel about this. There are a million reasons why I knew I wouldn't win.

A while back I posted that I was going to take a break from working on the Intrigue WIP to focus on the HAR WIP to which I believe my voice is better suited. I only entered because with a nearly completed WIP it seemed a shame to pass up the opportunity. I wasn't really happy with my entry; I hastily wrote the 300 word excerpt at the same time as completing my 3000 word essay for my end of module assessment in Children's Literature, so my mind wasn't really on task. I had also posted about the poor pay Harlequin gives authors and I was a bit disenchanted with Harlequin on the whole.

Of course, getting the email saying I hadn't made it through still devastated me. I couldn't really say why considering I never though I would. I don't know if it is the lack of sleep or what, but I was actually quite sad. I even shed a few tears of frustration. Only a few. And that probably was down to exhaustion. I had figured if I didn't get through I would have a go at the Medical Fast Track instead and I even started working on that entry while awaiting the announcement email. After the email, I decided to skip the Medical Fast Track. I was too disheartened.

The worst of it was that it made me doubt my ability. Suddenly, I was certain that not only could I not write romance, I couldn't write fiction at all.I pushed all of my romance WIPs to the back of my work station and decided to take some time to study writing (from a couple of books I always wanted to read but never got the chance) and maybe work on the concept and plot for my magical realism WIP. I figured it was best that I concentrate on my non-fiction for a while.

Tonight, I'm not sure how I feel about that. I keep seeing status updates from Harlequin authors on my Facebook, some of whom I know on a more personal basis, and tweets from Harlequin authors who I actually do #1h1k's with. I'm sat here wondering if I do belong in that crowd still. I always thought I did. Even if I never get published by Harlequin and I release all of my romances myself through KDP, I'd like to believe I still have what it takes to be a romance author.

So, maybe it is just the lack of sleep which sent me into a tailspin and convinced me I had no talent for writing. God knows, I've never struggled with rejection or criticism before this and my faith in my ability has never wavered. I'm not saying I'm an awesome writer, just that I know I can write. You know how people complain about not knowing who they are? About needing to find themselves? The only thing I have ever truly known, the only thing I have been certain of, is that I am a writer.

I think I may have to pull those romance WIPs back out and give them another go. I have two that I would like to finish and submit to Harlequin and then we'll just see. If they don't sell,maybe I'll polish them until they shine even brighter and publish them myself.

Well, it is time to feed the baby and she is starting to stir, so I'm going to have to go, but I promised to leave you with something fun to watch. Now, I'm a bit of a geek and I have a photographic memory (which made tests in school much easier), so this is right up my alley. You may not agree, but give it a go. I love the outlandish story he comes up with at the beginning of the video and the way her ties it all together in the end. I think it is just plain awesome. Watch it and tell me what you think...

Post a Comment

Latest Instagrams

© Christy Kate McKenzie. Design by Fearne.